Time For Your “Mind Gym” – What Are You Certain About?


I’m certainly not a big fan of “Black or White Thinking” although I find myself prey to such dichotomy at times; and in certain respects. To me, we cannot fully understand life matters despite so many “givens” and no matter how hard we try to analyze their prevailing effects. So many things out here exist in shades of gray; and we, human beings, are certainly very complex.

Take, for instance, our need for certainty. It conflicts with our opposing need for uncertainty. The first gives us assurance and steady grounds to move in strides. The second equips us with the thrill of anticipation and the zeal to resist destructive high tides. We’re quick to form judgments so as to gain a sense of relief, but we, also, seek the unknown for the excitement it hides beneath.

Such bipolarity can shape one’s behavior and character wherever we end up on that continuum. We can resist shifting our preferred set point and strive always to restore any disequilibrium. It’s as if we put ourselves a set of rules and arm our mindsets with the necessary tools to make it through prevalent challenges existing in over a million.

I have my own set of certain facts I believe in; and these bring me the sense of relief I need. If you work on accepting these as few of your life rules, they’ll bring you the same comforting effects indeed. These are in line with the “Black or White Thinking” type of guide for me. You’ll find my top 10 dictums below and I’m sure you’ll agree:

1. Life is neither easy, nor is it simple. To make it manageable and more enjoyable remains a choice to repeatedly kindle.
2. We cannot change others unless they’re willing to. Even when they are, we can only influence how they feel, or inspire what they do.
3. Our bodies depreciate with use and time. They’re the only place during our lives in which we’ll, surely, reside.
4. Happiness is a temporary state and we slide between the good times, the bad, and maybe worse. True strength lies in fast forwarding negative emotions and the good feelings to nourish and nurse.
5. We’re operating within limited time and energy constraints. We cannot possibly add more to what we already do without sacrificing doing others, or suffering more restraints.
6. We are social beings in need of maintaining healthy relationships. We get frustrated with one-sided effort when we try hard; and look instead for ones that offer a reciprocal mix.
7. We can invest in projects, or in people and then fail, but investing in ourselves and in our continuous education will always somehow reap gains.
8. Holding on to faith remains the best torchlight guiding our incomplete understanding. It remains the colorful perception as we reach dark deadlocks in problem solving.
9. We won’t find anything more valuable than time, nor can we buy any of it to satisfy doing everything we need. Life, surely, is passing by at a dizzying speed.
10. Our eternal search remains for love’s alchemy. Its absence creates all sorts of malady; and once found, is the all too healing remedy.

During my days, I frequently have to remind myself of these few life facts I grew to accept and be certain about. There’s no point in resisting some life rules, and surely you have more in your own certainty account. In many other respects, I remain within gray areas filled with doubt. In the school of life, we’re all still learning what we can be sure of or not…. In time, we will all be granted a black-belt in overcoming life’s difficulties if we keep giving it our best shot…

That’s another fact I’d like to add on the list above…

Across these posts, I send you positive vibes and much love …

Your Personal Coach

Dania

Advertisements

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – How “Mindful” Are you?


mindfulness

Have you noticed the pitfalls of our continuous attention divide? Like that ride to any destination during which you fail to notice how many trees line up on the side? You can ask your friend how they’re doing without actually hearing the distress they hide; and you can read these words oblivious to where inherent messages between the lines reside.

Perhaps to be completely observant of everything all the time is against our human nature. We come equipped with an auto-pilot, luckily, to preserve our mental energy from further labor. Over-reliance on this internal automated-like machine, though, could put us at great danger.

Imagine the overflow of information into your brain each day and how thoughts eventually get jammed in your mind. Are you aware of how such clutter affects all ensuing emotions and how consequently your inner state gets defined?

When was the last time you sat there doing absolutely nothing and just remained still? When did you last attempt to just be all alone with yourself not to watch a movie, or finish a chore, or to get immersed in thought, but to act as an observer, as if from a distance, to the way you’re breathing, to your thoughts that are fleeting, or to the sensations you are feeling?

Perhaps you never attempted doing that before, but being mindful of what’s going on in the moment, and when practiced continuously, has psychological and physiological benefits that you’ll reap enormously.

“A cameraman captures what the regular eye cannot perceive. Why don’t you borrow that irregular lens, once in a while? Put a filter; Zoom in the focus; and examine without judgment what is it that you feel and believe.” ~3Ds

As you become mindful about the moment, remember this: A thought is just a thought. It doesn’t have to be real, nor does it have to define you. Any negative feeling you’re experiencing will ultimately on its own subdue. Other feelings will over-ride it sometimes out of the blue.

Just observe and dismiss any logical interpretation. It is the meaning we give to that we perceive that may spiral negative emotional activation. Just notice; Then let go of it without further contemplation…

During mindful moments, you’re no longer all of you. You become an observer totally accepting and aware of whatever you’re going through.

How about we ask for an upgrade to VIP seats now? We’ll watch the other “you” performing and then bow in awe.

Oh, and is skipping popcorn, this time, something you’d allow? 🙂

Your Personal Coach

Dania

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – How “Happy” Will You Make The Coming Year?


wishes for new yearHow many times have you heard the words “happy New Year” lately? Plenty of times, I bet. It’s become like people’s favorite automated expression at the cutoff point of a fresh new year. All attempt to portray what’s coming more brightly.

I’ve heard some people whining about the past year saying it was a horrible one; and they’re wondering whether coming times will be better, or not. They evaluate the year based on horrific events that perhaps negatively impacted their lives a whole lot. Others were more grateful for dominant pleasant occasions; and, for the New Year, have aligned similar expectations. Some minority remained ambivalent to the calendar change as indicative of any potential variations.

“Happy New Year” is, by no means, an empty phrase. We’re generally biased, I believe, to hope for the better days, to surpass any adverse craze, and to find happiness in different ways.

365 new days will constitute the continuation of your biography and are lining up for you in the unseen. We can safely call it all the year 2015. You can accept an extension of what you’ve already experienced so far, or rock the boat and innovate new days like you’ve never before seen.

Whatever your choice is, please remember that our built-in human nature is one designed to eventually conquer any turbulence. Perhaps hard times are part of living and do cause major disturbance, but none of us has the desire to remain long in guttered times. On the contrary, we’re always longing for happiness; and actively search for its permanence.

Keeping that in mind, “For the new year, it is not enough to wish for happier times. The deeper wish is to break free of any happiness confines.” ~ 3Ds

We may be starting off the New Year with certain limitations, but should we allow these to cause continuous frustrations? How determined are you to actually notice and create happier days and other thrilling celebrations?

I, personally, wish you’d remain dreaming bigger, laughing louder, loving deeper, standing taller, bouncing back from setbacks stronger, and moving in STRIDES happily longer…

Say “I” if you’re all in favor!!!

With Your Personal Coach

          Dania

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – How Well Have You Fulfilled Last Year’s Self-Promises?


new year wishes

It gives me the chills when I consider that this is my last post for this year. Oh boy, time flew by real fast; and to realize that there are things pending still on my 2014 to-do-list makes me almost shed a tear. How did that happen when I know and practice what I preach about principals of high productivity? How is it possible to be so clear about my yearly resolutions and still fail to perform despite my relentless activity?

At this moment in time, I empathize with myself just like I do with my clients. I certainly was not “wasting” time. That’s more like pseudo-science. Urgent situations came up and necessitated my dealing with rising tension. New opportunities surfaced and required my attention. Some projects were too overwhelming, so I deferred some and put others to suspension.

No, I wasn’t slacking off during the past year. I was, rather, engaged in re-shuffling my priorities based on situational pressing demands. At different times, I found myself exploring novel life territories and adapting to unknown lands.

Yes, I did my best to accommodate without totally losing focus of my principal mission. I truly did maintain an eye on my guiding life vision. Yearly new resolutions are ideal when coupled with a clear plan to accomplish and move toward; and it’s perfectly okay to continuously consider their feasibility, be flexible with some, forget about others, and add a few new with greater reward. Can you similarly assess how much on that to-do-list you’ve scored?

My earlier plans were not meant to be engraved in stone. We have to keep in mind that a martyr cannot do much in a combat zone. It’s like we’re in a battle field out there and we need to remain vigilant to any upcoming rival; and in the end, allow no defeat to be ever final. Adjust the sails when the wind blows; slow down the wheels upon surfing the slopes; and fly higher when the sky is clear and before it, again, heavily snows.

At the verge of a new year, I cannot but give thanks and acknowledgement to how far I have, till now, reached. I would like to silence my inner critic for a while and resist the temptation to self-reprimand. These only leave me painfully impeached.

In my last note for this year, I am calling your attention to differentiate between excuses you may have for leaving things undone and truly exploring reasons for things you haven’t begun. I, hereby, call on you to focus NOT on the losses of the past year, but on all the gains you’ve gradually acquired my dear…

Next year will similarly be like a game of hide and seek. The good and the bad things will remain to bubble and squeak. And aren’t those what flavor life with its special mystique?

Wishing you a new year filled with earned success and best of fortune…

Your Personal Coach (who favors forward motion)

Dania

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – How Heavy is Your Emotional Baggage?


baggage

How old are you? Better phrased: how “young”, still, are you? Perhaps as you revisit the number of years that so far elapsed, the thought spontaneously scans phases in your life you passed through. Each chapter in your journey piled up a different sort of baggage when you take on a rear view.

Have you, at any point, taken the time to examine that? Are you aware of the extent that baggage affects your life today, how you deal with others, and what you arrived at? Some of us enjoy self-reflection and habitually monitor ourselves attempting to fine tune and understand. Others take it a step further and hire another brain to dig deeper and give them a hand.

In my line of work, I’ve seen many face their worst daemons courageously, while others went into such territories with much reluctance painfully. Others remain hiding themselves behind walls of shame and make believe that their baggage is invisible to the eyes. What do they know about harmful disguise? What do they know about volcanoes and their erupting with lava as they rise?

To become target of someone else’s baggage is certainly terrible and perhaps inevitable at different times. You’re lucky if you can withdraw yourself from their lives as soon as you detect over-flowing negative baggage signs. If you don’t, you’ll soon realize how chained you’re becoming as you operate within gloomy relational confines. To have your way out, by then, can be really difficult sometimes.

But what if that emotional baggage is all yours and you keep noticing something isn’t just right? To know if you’re carrying a heavy load, just ask yourself: Are you being paranoid and suspecting? Do you repeatedly project your own insecurities onto others and assume it is them who are suffering? Do new people you meet keep reminding you of past hurtful ones? Are you avoiding relational commitments and are building walls against anyone who comes?

Such questions point toward issues, if any, that remain unresolved. You can look at these with a blind eye, turn to them the deaf ear, or wait for them to get gradually dissolved. Still, they have their own days during which they creep up in your life in multiple ways and at every passing phase.

“You may be victim of others’ emotional baggage at some point, but there’s no running away from your own. The longer you postpone facing these, the more, under your skin they’ll moan.” ~ 3Ds

That baggage anyone carries can be rendered much lighter once explored. You need to dig deep for buried emotions, discover what meaning you gave hurtful past incidents, and then reinvent a new version of yourself that you can gradually move toward.

Surely everyone has baggage, but it’s not your responsibility to manage others’ crown of thorns. You can only open your own can of worms, let all out, and be ready to face any ensuing storms. There’s got to be some labor before your life balanced and transforms. That’s the only way to make yourself better, or would you rather remain bitter?

It really is a matter of perception and how your brain searches for threats and automatically screams. Need another pair of eyes to help you see through that existing filter you have on your life screen?

I’ve walked in your shoes daily so far; and I’ll be ready when you are 🙂

Your Counselor (this time) & Personal Coach

Dania

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – How Do You Use Your Imagination?


 

visualize

Are you aware of how you use your imagination? Have you unwrapped, yet, your gift of visualization? This is just a reminder of a powerful tool many misuse or forget to use. Most negative states are partly maintained through mentally replaying horrible scenes. Most fears are retained through imagining scary predictions of the unforeseen.

But what if we alter the contents of those pictures or movie displayed on our internal mental screen? How would it feel like if we were to imagine better outcomes and unleash the power of our inner creativity machine? All limitations, obstacles, and unmet needs were always the inspiration for creative ways to survive, to thrive, and to fulfill certain dreams.

Most Olympic athletes relied on visualization to create successful moves before performance so that winning is granted faster. Arnold Schwarzenegger imagined, since childhood, his becoming Mr. Universe and eventually becoming an actor. Walt Disney, similarly, used what he called “imagineering” to create his entertainment empire gradually after.

And if we really think about it, how do you explain our eventually enjoying the TV, the radio, or phone calls to a remote location? Someone somewhere used their imagination till they actualized its manifestation. The end result was the luring initial temptation.

Ideas of all major inventions did not remain in one’s brain hiding as a seed. They were nourished with active attempts to fulfill specific needs. Trial and error initiatives to make things happen are part of the process till one succeeds. One tool mostly used from inception till the end is creating images of how any restriction one ought to transcend.

To start with, give it some thought as to how you can be happier. “There’s a lot of power in simply imagining a better life filled with bliss. Many often miss to visualize exactly just “how” to effect this.” ~3Ds

Your mind cannot differentiate between what’s imagined and what’s real. It is no secret that visualization automatically changes how you feel…

You can reinvent your future, relax your body, energize it, or imagine succeeding on any interesting goal.

Use your creative imagination as your positive outcome visual control…

With or without Your Personal Coach

Dania

PS. You can watch me demonstrating “Guided Visualization” as a stress-busting tool live on LBC here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8Iz3Ry2EBQ&list=UUOQcFEEskw8OGYvA4FA89rA

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – How Optimistic Are you?


optimism

What do you see if you were given the transparent water glass test (with half of it water)? Would you see the glass as half full, or half empty? Half filled with water and half filled with air? Would you suggest that the glass is twice as big as it should be? Or is it that you express being grateful you have a glass to start with and dismiss appraise? Are you at all a realist who describes it both ways?

To many psychologists, you’re said to be more of an optimist, or a pessimist depending on your answer for such a pop quiz. I wonder what your first spontaneous response is. Perhaps, at different moments, your mood will color what you say, but in general, we can train ourselves to have a default mode in responding to circumstances in certain ways. To be an optimist, you need to practice it, so they say.

At times, it requires tremendous effort to remain optimistic when tough times extend, don’t you think? Even the toughest people have their weak moments during which positivity wouldn’t easily blend with the negativity to dilute it, or even make it shrink. Unless you’re well trained, “tolerance” levels exert their toll and play a negative role on your soul.

At other times, when one forces optimism in all situations despite all signs, this can lead to faulty expectations and eventual aggravation. Surely optimistic people lead a happier healthier life with more solid resilience foundation; yet, to take it too far, and deny that “#%*^” is happening now, or can happen in the future is a misleading temptation.

I am not a pessimist, and contrary to what many think, neither am I a 100% optimist. I am a realist with a holistic view on matters who assesses both sides, but who eventually focuses on the upside. I can’t easily claim horrific matters don’t exist, but I focus on better outcomes as my guide. Realistic optimism remains my preferred ride…

“It is no use to deny it when things go all too crappy. Sit with it and understand it. Process it and embrace it. Get real; then do all you can to make yourself happy.” ~ 3Ds

Rather than sinking in the pile of “#%*^”, you need to seek a better view. Re-arrange the pile and stand on it to get yourself mounted. Realistic expectations and thoughtful consideration are needed to be more grounded. It is the only means to make disappointments less compounded.

Life is much more complicated than that simple glass of water test. And guess what? So are you if the contrary you try to attest. To fight gloom and doom with optimism will remain your contest.

Before I put my case to rest, I’d like you to fill that glass FULLY with water yourself and rise… Hold it high in the air, and throw a toast for all of us: Cheers for the best…

Your Personal Coach

Dania

%d bloggers like this: