Archive for the ‘Positive Psychology questioned’ Category

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – How “Happy” Will You Make The Coming Year?

wishes for new yearHow many times have you heard the words “happy New Year” lately? Plenty of times, I bet. It’s become like people’s favorite automated expression at the cutoff point of a fresh new year. All attempt to portray what’s coming more brightly.

I’ve heard some people whining about the past year saying it was a horrible one; and they’re wondering whether coming times will be better, or not. They evaluate the year based on horrific events that perhaps negatively impacted their lives a whole lot. Others were more grateful for dominant pleasant occasions; and, for the New Year, have aligned similar expectations. Some minority remained ambivalent to the calendar change as indicative of any potential variations.

“Happy New Year” is, by no means, an empty phrase. We’re generally biased, I believe, to hope for the better days, to surpass any adverse craze, and to find happiness in different ways.

365 new days will constitute the continuation of your biography and are lining up for you in the unseen. We can safely call it all the year 2015. You can accept an extension of what you’ve already experienced so far, or rock the boat and innovate new days like you’ve never before seen.

Whatever your choice is, please remember that our built-in human nature is one designed to eventually conquer any turbulence. Perhaps hard times are part of living and do cause major disturbance, but none of us has the desire to remain long in guttered times. On the contrary, we’re always longing for happiness; and actively search for its permanence.

Keeping that in mind, “For the new year, it is not enough to wish for happier times. The deeper wish is to break free of any happiness confines.” ~ 3Ds

We may be starting off the New Year with certain limitations, but should we allow these to cause continuous frustrations? How determined are you to actually notice and create happier days and other thrilling celebrations?

I, personally, wish you’d remain dreaming bigger, laughing louder, loving deeper, standing taller, bouncing back from setbacks stronger, and moving in STRIDES happily longer…

Say “I” if you’re all in favor!!!

With Your Personal Coach



Time For Your “Mind Gym” – How Optimistic Are you?


What do you see if you were given the transparent water glass test (with half of it water)? Would you see the glass as half full, or half empty? Half filled with water and half filled with air? Would you suggest that the glass is twice as big as it should be? Or is it that you express being grateful you have a glass to start with and dismiss appraise? Are you at all a realist who describes it both ways?

To many psychologists, you’re said to be more of an optimist, or a pessimist depending on your answer for such a pop quiz. I wonder what your first spontaneous response is. Perhaps, at different moments, your mood will color what you say, but in general, we can train ourselves to have a default mode in responding to circumstances in certain ways. To be an optimist, you need to practice it, so they say.

At times, it requires tremendous effort to remain optimistic when tough times extend, don’t you think? Even the toughest people have their weak moments during which positivity wouldn’t easily blend with the negativity to dilute it, or even make it shrink. Unless you’re well trained, “tolerance” levels exert their toll and play a negative role on your soul.

At other times, when one forces optimism in all situations despite all signs, this can lead to faulty expectations and eventual aggravation. Surely optimistic people lead a happier healthier life with more solid resilience foundation; yet, to take it too far, and deny that “#%*^” is happening now, or can happen in the future is a misleading temptation.

I am not a pessimist, and contrary to what many think, neither am I a 100% optimist. I am a realist with a holistic view on matters who assesses both sides, but who eventually focuses on the upside. I can’t easily claim horrific matters don’t exist, but I focus on better outcomes as my guide. Realistic optimism remains my preferred ride…

“It is no use to deny it when things go all too crappy. Sit with it and understand it. Process it and embrace it. Get real; then do all you can to make yourself happy.” ~ 3Ds

Rather than sinking in the pile of “#%*^”, you need to seek a better view. Re-arrange the pile and stand on it to get yourself mounted. Realistic expectations and thoughtful consideration are needed to be more grounded. It is the only means to make disappointments less compounded.

Life is much more complicated than that simple glass of water test. And guess what? So are you if the contrary you try to attest. To fight gloom and doom with optimism will remain your contest.

Before I put my case to rest, I’d like you to fill that glass FULLY with water yourself and rise… Hold it high in the air, and throw a toast for all of us: Cheers for the best…

Your Personal Coach


Time For Your “Mind Gym” – What’s That Voice In Your Head Like?


If you know me well, I wouldn’t be surprised if you heard my voice as you read these words, but generally you’re more likely to hear your own voice making the speech. This makes me wonder whether you ever notice your self-talk as you you go about living your days, facing different situations, and how you eventually address each.

That voice in your head is so powerful with astounding effects in case you didn’t know. If you listen carefully, you’ll find it can be harsh and critical, or gentle and encouraging as a general flow. Either way, it can turn out like a depressing or inspiring talk-show. What default option have you set its mode to undergo? Do you know that it is YOU who’s initiated such programming perhaps some time ago?

There’s a difference between a self-talk that goes like this: “YOU IDIOT! YOU’LL NEVER LEARN TO DO THINGS RIGHT!”, or this: “Let’s see, honey, how can you handle this next time about?”… A huge difference… Especially if you knew that words written in capslock are meant to be shout… The impact results in divergent outcomes akin to that produced by parents guiding their child, no doubt…

My challenge for you, today, is to start becoming more observant of that voice in your head. Pay attention to your choice of words, the tone, the pitch, the volume; in general, the “how” things to yourself are said. You can be filling yourself up with compassion, all the time, or with continuous dread….

“That voice in your head may act like a bully debunking your every move, or a gentle critic guiding your every move.” ~ 3Ds

The good news is that this voice can be fully controlled unlike people around you who just can’t direct well their blabber. Even when they go away, you keep listening to yourself all along for that matter; and whatever emotional state you end up in, each time, results from that mental chatter…

Pain, hope, self-esteem, love, or hate are but a few outcomes of that self-talk. It is one of the determinants of every life path you could possibly walk…

You can start changing the course of history each moment with that internal chime. How about we get busy reaching the sublime all the time?

Just for the record: you can always choose to self-cheer like your own personal coach…

With your Personal Coach


Please Don’t Read This Post (unless you want to lose your life faith)

CAUTION: this post contains profane language. Reader’s discretion is advised.

Two warnings, already, may suffice to deter you from reading on, right? For Pete’s sake STOP!! This is the third one! It never is my intention to be discouraging; on the contrary. I work hard on maintaining an upbeat state of mind. We can’t, however, deny moments of negative thinking from taking over when the mind is all too foggy.

First, this post will dare share some undisclosed thoughts that many of you hold in your own dark moments. These totally conflict with what I usually preach, but when the going gets tough, doubt overwhelms for a while; and that’s understandable – you’re only human. I know… I know… “there’s always confusion before clarity just as there is always darkness before dawn” (~ Me). I have a complete grasp that life is full of gray areas, but what’s with shades of gray inside other shades of gray; inside yet other shades of gray?

Second, I dislike using profane language, but among the few things I agree with my pal Sigmund Freud (see charming on the right) is that being shocking, and cursing at times, can be healing. I’m not advocating, here, the use of such a communication style; however, and in case you didn’t know, side tracking every now and then can be fun and liberating.

I’m allowing myself, herein, to express some cynicism I heard, a lot of sarcasm, and will be questioning the faith in many adopted positive psychological constructs. These are commonly used as a way out when we are faced with piled up life challenges. Here it goes: some random ramblings in that state of skeptical bizarre mind:

–          In the circle of life: It is only common sense that the strong help the weak; the wise tolerate the immature; the healthy aid the sick; the educated put up with the ignorant, and so on….  but what’s it about the insecure casting stones on those who rise above? How are you to handle the frustration of that typical “kill-joy” (“DIPSHIT” in other words) who constantly shakes the living day lights out of you when, on the surface, you appear quite content? You have to be Jesus to tolerate being crucified. Jealousy and envy compound the more visible you are. It should make you feel proud you’re on the right track and that’s comforting, right? Pity them, you decide. “The only thing I will ever allow to bring me down is the elevator” you’d keep reminding yourself. That’s BULLSHIT!!!! Some IDIOTS keep pressing those elevator buttons and with time, their determination succeeds….. Suddenly, they’re in your most inappropriate thoughts!! And in your head, you find yourself beating the SHIT out of them a gazillion times …..

–          That much sought after “Love”: Lonely or engaged, hearts are prone to ache alike. I hear mutual grumbles: the single want to have a partner; those who have a partner, are rarely satisfied; they have their eyes on another. HOLY CRAP!! I’m confused here, no wait… maybe I’m not…. SHIT!! Can you make up your mind you people?? Your heart’s function is not only that of pumping your blood. It’s there to experience both the joys and pains of being single or engaged. Pay the price to shift your status. Accept anyone if you’re single and don’t complain. Dump that partner instead of pointing your finger at them all the time…. There are so many privileges in both solitude and company that many fail to perceive. Live with a phantom of your own creation if you wish… Deal with it you FREAKS!! Don’t whine about it, or I’ll beat the CRAP OUT of you!!

–          Accept what you can’t change: Yah! And you have that terrifying moment when you dig for energy in your well of “I’m alright” pretense only to find it completely depleted. SHIZNIT is all there is left in that reservoir. Acceptance needs energy. Where the hell do you get that when your resources are dry from excessively dealing with what you cannot FREAKING change?? There’s a limit to how long you can exercise your BLOODY patience, right?….. Nothing is as distressing as a sense of being out of control. Nothing is as painful as being chained with feelings of having “no choice”.  Accept…. So they say…. Just another psychological jargon for: admit defeat, submit, surrender, or …. put both feet in your mouth and “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” You’re staying at life’s mercy, alright?….

–          Ignore that dirty Politics: The harder you move away from politics, the more you’d find it creeping at you with all the FREAKIN worst news from everywhere. The biggest apparent lies believed by an unprecedented number of puppet fools. Disregard, ignore, and continue living some would say. How can you continue living when mass atrocities are being committed while the whole world watches. Dirty politics is controlling your daily living if you really think about it. How are you supposed to remove yourself from the bigger STUPID ecology? It will certainly find you no matter how deep you dig your head in the ground as an ostrich… Cover your ASS, will yah?? Those MOTHER FUCKERS are right behind you and they can be reaaal swift in getting yah!!

–          The beauty of “Aging”: “No, I’m not getting older; just wiser and more mature” – some would comfort themselves. Sure… you can do that when you’re in a good mood … you keep telling yourself “I feel I’m still in my twenties”, but your body responds: “Yeah, don’t you wish?” You’ve got all those daily reminders of your physical depreciation; be it in: body pains that get to your brains, reduced eye-sight, expanding wrinkles, gray hair, sagging skin, slowing metabolism, repeated physical tests to make sure you’re alright (with CRAPPY results you’re not the same), etc… FUCK!!  The list is endless with reminders – no arguing about that!!! And then it dawns on you that the best way to feel younger is to hang around with the older dudes… But that too doesn’t work. You get to see those elderly aging faster and then crossing over to the heavens above…. Some your age “kiddos” are being taken early just the same….  And you wonder: “When will I be elected to join the crowds up there?? Exactly how much more fun am I allowed on FUCKIN mother Earth before my time comes?” And then you’d start thinking that if the theory of reincarnation is at all true, you have a second chance of this delightful experience. You’re lucky if you return as a human to satisfy whatever remains unfulfilled in the preceding BULLSHIT life….. or would you rather return as an ASS!!??

–          There’s always light at the end of the tunnel: Ever thought that the light source could be burned down with repeated power cuts? Hahahaha!! This is Lebanon you FREAKS!! Some people live in a CLUSTERFUCK of SHIT!! And you challenge them to count their blessings; then it turns out these are just a few. Bad news come in bundles and the balance massively tips to things going in the SHITTY direction. In reality, they have no way out except to keep walking in the dark. And when you’ve been there for too long, you start becoming paranoid thinking any light at the end of the tunnel could be that of a train coming your way. Finally….it will run you down. Any glimpse they see turns out as just another illusion. But, whatever…. Keep clinging to ropes of hope. You’re in the tunnel, alright. It feels safer when you hold on to something – even if it was false faith. Yah, keep thinking MORONS will change, FREAKIN’ circumstances will alter, and that any tunnel is bound to end for sure…. Despair is your only other option…

–          The existential questioning: In that existential excursion to finding answers, you always knew you’d find these in books you read, the biography of the “wise”, and in thinking and reflecting…. What the HELL? Are you able to formulate the DAMN right BLOODY questions to start with? The literature is loaded with inconsistencies; even famous quotes are contradictory. Everything happens for a good reason, they say. “I exist to know, to learn from everything that happens, and to leave footprints behind”. HOLY SHIT!! Where the hell are the right reasons when you need them? Come’on…. Give me a good reason for some SHIT-HEAD’s bad intentions. Is there any good in being used, abused, betrayed, or manipulated? Yah, right…. The good reason is that the culprit’s goals were well served (at your BLOODY expense for that matter….). Knowing this can be a big slap on your face. It sends your head rotating clockwise endlessly as if operating on pulse. You feel it as long as you remain alive… Give me a break!! Good reason, they say, come at the right time … “Well I can’t wait; shoot’em on now, or PISS OFF…. My head is still rotating and that’s painful enough….”

–           Forgiveness: If you want to be liberated, forgive those who wronged you. Sure!! And they can take advantage of your kind heart again. And you’re supposed to forgive again. You can KISS MY ASS on this one!! Let’s not say you’re holding a grudge; rather remembering the facts about some BITCHASS! For heaven’s sake, there’s a limit to how much you can forgive and be the “bigger” person. Some people surely abuse the privilege. You want to appear big? Get them down on their knees for a while. These MOTHER FUCKERS ought to have an electric shock collar as you hold a remote control ready for their next misdemeanor. When they misbehave, be prepared to electrify them with a buzz of agony. Perhaps that would make those FREAKS learn to stop taking you for granted!

I have a lot more to say GODDAMNIT, but this sort of drama can become endless. This is but a short good bad example of how a chattered negative mind can go….. If your train of thought went anything like this in the past, be proud. It’s part of the human package. Dudes around you can wrongly assume you’re someone exceptionally super and positive if you don’t express these out loud. I did it for you. We can all, at times, become centered on the negative. It’s the radius that matters sunshine!! And I’m certain that only in such moments of getting in touch with your vulnerabilities that you can progress. I know I am a survivor just as you are. And whatever I have expressed above is just part of the process of emotional healing. That’s called “venting”, identifying the frustrations, labeling the emotions (I’ve done that in my mind), and then having a clear plan as to what next you can do about it. Can I safely say:  “Gotch yah!!”?? 

Thanks Sigmund. It does feel good engage in all that swearing. I, also, give thanks to myself for allowing it the experience to toy around some negative thinking from time to time. How else would I be be able to properly feel the suffering of those I help heal and move forward….Yes, life is BLOODY hard, but can you imagine what it would be like if there were no struggles? Complete monotony…. Flat-lining….  The one thing I cannot be sarcastic about is that all these trials are emotional fitness muscle exercises. Hit low, and then bounce back stronger each time….

Continue to cartwheel like wild clowns in life’s stadium you DUDES. Choose to focus on what’s going right. Be determined to work it out as hard as you can with whatever means and resources you possess. Never undermine the power of positive “reframe”. It appears to be the only psychological survival mechanism in hard times. Your only other option, again, is to despair when time and space don’t seem to be on your side ….

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