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Time For Your “Mind Gym” – What Are You Certain About?


I’m certainly not a big fan of “Black or White Thinking” although I find myself prey to such dichotomy at times; and in certain respects. To me, we cannot fully understand life matters despite so many “givens” and no matter how hard we try to analyze their prevailing effects. So many things out here exist in shades of gray; and we, human beings, are certainly very complex.

Take, for instance, our need for certainty. It conflicts with our opposing need for uncertainty. The first gives us assurance and steady grounds to move in strides. The second equips us with the thrill of anticipation and the zeal to resist destructive high tides. We’re quick to form judgments so as to gain a sense of relief, but we, also, seek the unknown for the excitement it hides beneath.

Such bipolarity can shape one’s behavior and character wherever we end up on that continuum. We can resist shifting our preferred set point and strive always to restore any disequilibrium. It’s as if we put ourselves a set of rules and arm our mindsets with the necessary tools to make it through prevalent challenges existing in over a million.

I have my own set of certain facts I believe in; and these bring me the sense of relief I need. If you work on accepting these as few of your life rules, they’ll bring you the same comforting effects indeed. These are in line with the “Black or White Thinking” type of guide for me. You’ll find my top 10 dictums below and I’m sure you’ll agree:

1. Life is neither easy, nor is it simple. To make it manageable and more enjoyable remains a choice to repeatedly kindle.
2. We cannot change others unless they’re willing to. Even when they are, we can only influence how they feel, or inspire what they do.
3. Our bodies depreciate with use and time. They’re the only place during our lives in which we’ll, surely, reside.
4. Happiness is a temporary state and we slide between the good times, the bad, and maybe worse. True strength lies in fast forwarding negative emotions and the good feelings to nourish and nurse.
5. We’re operating within limited time and energy constraints. We cannot possibly add more to what we already do without sacrificing doing others, or suffering more restraints.
6. We are social beings in need of maintaining healthy relationships. We get frustrated with one-sided effort when we try hard; and look instead for ones that offer a reciprocal mix.
7. We can invest in projects, or in people and then fail, but investing in ourselves and in our continuous education will always somehow reap gains.
8. Holding on to faith remains the best torchlight guiding our incomplete understanding. It remains the colorful perception as we reach dark deadlocks in problem solving.
9. We won’t find anything more valuable than time, nor can we buy any of it to satisfy doing everything we need. Life, surely, is passing by at a dizzying speed.
10. Our eternal search remains for love’s alchemy. Its absence creates all sorts of malady; and once found, is the all too healing remedy.

During my days, I frequently have to remind myself of these few life facts I grew to accept and be certain about. There’s no point in resisting some life rules, and surely you have more in your own certainty account. In many other respects, I remain within gray areas filled with doubt. In the school of life, we’re all still learning what we can be sure of or not…. In time, we will all be granted a black-belt in overcoming life’s difficulties if we keep giving it our best shot…

That’s another fact I’d like to add on the list above…

Across these posts, I send you positive vibes and much love …

Your Personal Coach

Dania

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Time For Your “Mind Gym” – How Well Have You Fulfilled Last Year’s Self-Promises?


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It gives me the chills when I consider that this is my last post for this year. Oh boy, time flew by real fast; and to realize that there are things pending still on my 2014 to-do-list makes me almost shed a tear. How did that happen when I know and practice what I preach about principals of high productivity? How is it possible to be so clear about my yearly resolutions and still fail to perform despite my relentless activity?

At this moment in time, I empathize with myself just like I do with my clients. I certainly was not “wasting” time. That’s more like pseudo-science. Urgent situations came up and necessitated my dealing with rising tension. New opportunities surfaced and required my attention. Some projects were too overwhelming, so I deferred some and put others to suspension.

No, I wasn’t slacking off during the past year. I was, rather, engaged in re-shuffling my priorities based on situational pressing demands. At different times, I found myself exploring novel life territories and adapting to unknown lands.

Yes, I did my best to accommodate without totally losing focus of my principal mission. I truly did maintain an eye on my guiding life vision. Yearly new resolutions are ideal when coupled with a clear plan to accomplish and move toward; and it’s perfectly okay to continuously consider their feasibility, be flexible with some, forget about others, and add a few new with greater reward. Can you similarly assess how much on that to-do-list you’ve scored?

My earlier plans were not meant to be engraved in stone. We have to keep in mind that a martyr cannot do much in a combat zone. It’s like we’re in a battle field out there and we need to remain vigilant to any upcoming rival; and in the end, allow no defeat to be ever final. Adjust the sails when the wind blows; slow down the wheels upon surfing the slopes; and fly higher when the sky is clear and before it, again, heavily snows.

At the verge of a new year, I cannot but give thanks and acknowledgement to how far I have, till now, reached. I would like to silence my inner critic for a while and resist the temptation to self-reprimand. These only leave me painfully impeached.

In my last note for this year, I am calling your attention to differentiate between excuses you may have for leaving things undone and truly exploring reasons for things you haven’t begun. I, hereby, call on you to focus NOT on the losses of the past year, but on all the gains you’ve gradually acquired my dear…

Next year will similarly be like a game of hide and seek. The good and the bad things will remain to bubble and squeak. And aren’t those what flavor life with its special mystique?

Wishing you a new year filled with earned success and best of fortune…

Your Personal Coach (who favors forward motion)

Dania

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – How Heavy is Your Emotional Baggage?


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How old are you? Better phrased: how “young”, still, are you? Perhaps as you revisit the number of years that so far elapsed, the thought spontaneously scans phases in your life you passed through. Each chapter in your journey piled up a different sort of baggage when you take on a rear view.

Have you, at any point, taken the time to examine that? Are you aware of the extent that baggage affects your life today, how you deal with others, and what you arrived at? Some of us enjoy self-reflection and habitually monitor ourselves attempting to fine tune and understand. Others take it a step further and hire another brain to dig deeper and give them a hand.

In my line of work, I’ve seen many face their worst daemons courageously, while others went into such territories with much reluctance painfully. Others remain hiding themselves behind walls of shame and make believe that their baggage is invisible to the eyes. What do they know about harmful disguise? What do they know about volcanoes and their erupting with lava as they rise?

To become target of someone else’s baggage is certainly terrible and perhaps inevitable at different times. You’re lucky if you can withdraw yourself from their lives as soon as you detect over-flowing negative baggage signs. If you don’t, you’ll soon realize how chained you’re becoming as you operate within gloomy relational confines. To have your way out, by then, can be really difficult sometimes.

But what if that emotional baggage is all yours and you keep noticing something isn’t just right? To know if you’re carrying a heavy load, just ask yourself: Are you being paranoid and suspecting? Do you repeatedly project your own insecurities onto others and assume it is them who are suffering? Do new people you meet keep reminding you of past hurtful ones? Are you avoiding relational commitments and are building walls against anyone who comes?

Such questions point toward issues, if any, that remain unresolved. You can look at these with a blind eye, turn to them the deaf ear, or wait for them to get gradually dissolved. Still, they have their own days during which they creep up in your life in multiple ways and at every passing phase.

“You may be victim of others’ emotional baggage at some point, but there’s no running away from your own. The longer you postpone facing these, the more, under your skin they’ll moan.” ~ 3Ds

That baggage anyone carries can be rendered much lighter once explored. You need to dig deep for buried emotions, discover what meaning you gave hurtful past incidents, and then reinvent a new version of yourself that you can gradually move toward.

Surely everyone has baggage, but it’s not your responsibility to manage others’ crown of thorns. You can only open your own can of worms, let all out, and be ready to face any ensuing storms. There’s got to be some labor before your life balanced and transforms. That’s the only way to make yourself better, or would you rather remain bitter?

It really is a matter of perception and how your brain searches for threats and automatically screams. Need another pair of eyes to help you see through that existing filter you have on your life screen?

I’ve walked in your shoes daily so far; and I’ll be ready when you are 🙂

Your Counselor (this time) & Personal Coach

Dania

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – What’s That Voice In Your Head Like?


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If you know me well, I wouldn’t be surprised if you heard my voice as you read these words, but generally you’re more likely to hear your own voice making the speech. This makes me wonder whether you ever notice your self-talk as you you go about living your days, facing different situations, and how you eventually address each.

That voice in your head is so powerful with astounding effects in case you didn’t know. If you listen carefully, you’ll find it can be harsh and critical, or gentle and encouraging as a general flow. Either way, it can turn out like a depressing or inspiring talk-show. What default option have you set its mode to undergo? Do you know that it is YOU who’s initiated such programming perhaps some time ago?

There’s a difference between a self-talk that goes like this: “YOU IDIOT! YOU’LL NEVER LEARN TO DO THINGS RIGHT!”, or this: “Let’s see, honey, how can you handle this next time about?”… A huge difference… Especially if you knew that words written in capslock are meant to be shout… The impact results in divergent outcomes akin to that produced by parents guiding their child, no doubt…

My challenge for you, today, is to start becoming more observant of that voice in your head. Pay attention to your choice of words, the tone, the pitch, the volume; in general, the “how” things to yourself are said. You can be filling yourself up with compassion, all the time, or with continuous dread….

“That voice in your head may act like a bully debunking your every move, or a gentle critic guiding your every move.” ~ 3Ds

The good news is that this voice can be fully controlled unlike people around you who just can’t direct well their blabber. Even when they go away, you keep listening to yourself all along for that matter; and whatever emotional state you end up in, each time, results from that mental chatter…

Pain, hope, self-esteem, love, or hate are but a few outcomes of that self-talk. It is one of the determinants of every life path you could possibly walk…

You can start changing the course of history each moment with that internal chime. How about we get busy reaching the sublime all the time?

Just for the record: you can always choose to self-cheer like your own personal coach…

With your Personal Coach

Dania

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – How Do You Compensate?


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If you review the times you wanted something, but didn’t get, you may notice that you tried to, somehow, compensate. Consider, for instance, a failed relationship, a desired post on a job, or in vain attempts on any other pursuit. You looked for a substitute to help cope you tolerate.

The way we compensate, though, can serve us well, or not, if I may say. Some would sublimate to a higher cause, change their target, or figure out a new way. Others would resort to substance abuse, binge in comfort eating, or soothe their frustrated emotions by seeking solitude in a somewhat safe bay.

Have you considered how, earlier, you resorted to compensate? Do you find a pattern that would generally predominate? Or is it that when you scan those incidents well, you find that your style is flexible and between different constructive ways you oscillate?

Have you noticed, at times, how the clock continues ticking or flipping despite your attempts to digest your dashing hopes? Remaining in idle mode won’t change the bad news, and eventually you have to step into the uncertain and navigate new slopes as a better means to cope.

“The question isn’t how do you compensate if you fail; rather how “well” will you compensate? What will you eventually allow to prevail?” ~ 3Ds

It’s like you’re meant to be waging battles all the time; and even initiating new ones. A survivor mode entails that you seriously keep sticking to your guns….

Neve dwell on whether you’ll be defeated. when you’re tired, you can always a rest, just for a little while, then resume whatever you have uncompleted….

And you know what will make a difference next time? It’s pretending that you’re already a champion from the start…. Role play every day the “as if you’re already a winner” kind of part…

Every breath, every move, every step,…. Have a fighter un-subsiding kind of heart….

To compensate right, make the new worthy venture a state of art….

Doesn’t this sounds like a class of Martial Art?

Bowing in awe before your new glorious start, your Personal Coach

Dania

Time for Your “Mind Gym” – How’s Your Balance Sheet Like?


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I’d like to pay a tribute to that little “accountant” in you, today; and I randomly chose this one from long lists. Yes, you may not have noticed that part in you doing all sorts of calculations each time you choose, but that part of you exists. It hides at the corner of your mind; speaking in high and low pitch. In various decision-making it assists.

That little accountant keeps semi-invisible balance sheets issued when there’s a need; and instantly upon request. If you examine all issues that you previously addressed, you’d find that you directly or indirectly weighed pros and cons to find answers for your action-taking quests.

The cost-benefit assessment thought process is rarely an uninvited guest. It is what we do when we’re mostly distressed. Try something different, give up a pursuit, or persist until you attain your goal are but a few dilemma that could have made your mind unrest.

Pick and choose any area in your life: your job, your romantic relationship, your friends, a project you’re working on, or any other feat…. All would not get resolved without resort to that guiding balance sheet. Go on…. Bring it forward from its back-seat. Review the account of each in terms of pleasure versus pain; loss versus gain; compliments versus complaints; latitude versus restraints. What sort of a picture does that accountant paint?

“Knowingly or not, when you assess and decide, your mind runs a balance sheet script. It could be that last well-thought of entry that triggers a 180 degrees flip.” ~3Ds

Don’t forget to include the long term effects. Remember, as well, to consider other human ecological complications and defects. If these are difficult to calculate, use a lump sum as an estimate.

You may need to re-examine and exhaust all “givens” when your balance sheet shows a dilemma par. And if you remain stuck, flip a coin to allow fate to be your guiding star….

After all, and despite some previous erroneous operations, that little accountant in you is gaining expertise by the minute for all balance sheet consultations. It will continue to do all calculations for future situations.

Oh…. and perhaps you need to cross out any fear factor entry because it’s usually loaded with flaws…. It never was, or will be, a motivator to any worthy cause…..

Sending your little accountant a big round of applause,

Your Personal Coach

 Dania

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – Who’s Your Favorite?


 

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I’m contemplating today those “favorite” people we have in our lives and what makes them so. Those closer to our hearts kind of people not necessarily the ones we’d fall in love with, you know… Just those few you randomly meet with at first, develop a connection, and as you know them more, you wouldn’t easily want to let go…. Eventually, you find that a whole meaning on your life they, now, bestow…

Surely you have some in mind; and most certainly, to someone else, you fit the kind. So if we dig for the criteria of inclusion, what could we find? Perhaps some few attractive assets combined…

These special ones speak to you with their kind hearts, listen to what you say with their souls, and are there for you when the need arises. They are those folks who keep in touch without needing much, give you their time and allow for your space, never disappoint you, or fail to embrace you. They are those who offer you only pleasant surprises….

As for you, they’re on your mind more often, you look forward to get-together today or tomorrows, and grow, day in day out, to become invested in their concerns, in their dreams, and in their whole lives with both its joys and sorrows. And sometimes it becomes scary when you feel their pain as they do, and even before you have any clue…

“No one can blame you for having favorite special ones in your life. They’re the ones who best understand and support your strife.” ~ 3Ds

An interesting fact, here, appears: a favorite without you or them disappears. You two, give that favoritism more meaning with your direct and indirect cheers. It is both of you who’d want to hold the balance for all coming years. How else can you gather more timely souvenirs…?

A favorite is like a rare gem type; and to find them requires digging deep. Like diamonds and gold, once found by accident, they’re not to be sold. With us humans, however, such a relationship for keeps is twofold. You do your part, and allow your favorite, in the bond, to be enrolled….

For the coming weeks, I challenge you to move closer to your favorite one.  Make sure you’re heard though… Pitch before you hit the homerun, lovely one 🙂

Your being extraordinarily ravishing is so pronounced today. Are you, by any chance, sitting in the lap of the cloud or the sun? Can you guess who my favorite is, right now, honey bun?

Your Personal Coach

Dania

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