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Time For Your “Mind Gym” – What’s Your Obsession?


obsessessionWhen you think about obsessions, your immediate reaction is that these are necessarily bad; and predispose anyone to becoming sad. After all, they typically imply unwanted persistent thoughts you cannot easily dismiss; and when they’re very intense you’d think you’re on the verge of going mad.

Obsessions can stem from specific or random fears. Many times, and in typical psychological disorders, obsessions are associated with compulsions (i.e. behaviors) to reduce what’s feared. They put one in an addictive cycle like a hamster on a wheel. On and on the “run” continues with great difficulty to change the steer…

But, not all obsessive thoughts lead you to distress. For instance, think about the falling in love experience and how it puts you in a state of bliss. Think about finding your passion, doing it daily, and how consumed in it you become that you’d never consider the quits.

Such obsessions have a different lure. Not only do you allow these; you perpetuate your state. In a charming way, you’re clinging to something that makes you feel more secure. Perhaps, these dissolve every other fear and alleviate any other uncertainty that could leave you unsure…

It is obsessive thoughts about succeeding that lead, in the end, to highly achieving. It is exactly these kind of thoughts that can transform earlier failure to the “yes I can do it” mode of believing.

“To win your way, you need to be armed with Obsessive beliefs in your ability. Such focus, is your tool to act on every possibility.” ~ 3Ds

If you scan history for major accomplishments, you’ll find that this was the secret behind it all. Each falls at least a hundred times, but obsessively rises again tall.

See? That blind to failure obsession isn’t necessarily bad or evil. Each trial creates a new upheaval…

The obsession to succeed doesn’t take “no” as a response. It persists there till, eventually, it gets its applause… To thrive, think and then do; Think and then do; Think and then do… After all, isn’t that how legends eventually yell that woooohooo!!!? Keep preoccupied with it and, soon enough, people will seek your autograph in queue…

I’ll be standing with them in line too. Till then, my thoughts will remain with you….

Your Personal Coach 

 Dania

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – What Have You Become?


what you becomeYou may not notice it, but you carry the “baggage” of all past years in different ways – just like the rest of us. Every choice you take; every move you make is colored by many baggage components. You can be aware of your baggage in few instances, but – most other times – these remain highly unconscious.

The person you are today is a result of your accumulated past when you think about it. The baggage I’m referring to, here, is not necessarily unresolved issues you piled up bit by bit. It is part of what you eventually and slowly become. Off your shoulders, these may be hard to split. You are whatever experiences you continue to permit.

Some people carry a heavier baggage than others. They’d be slow to walk all paths and wonder when one passing fellow saunters. When some exhibit confidence in their destination, those with heavy baggage wander. They don’t know that they need to pause and get rid of those heavier weights along their life journey from time to time. How else can the climb to being a better person be made lighter and in line?

It is a basic need to know that you’re growing, maturing, and evolving. I stress, here, the psychological need that feeds you to succeed into becoming a wiser person today more than ever; in continuously transforming your life to the better; in surpassing hardship, in galloping over obstacles, and in setting worthy endeavors.

“The person you become is a result of what you learn, unlearn, or fail to learn.” ~ 3Ds

It is within your reach to learn new ways of being. Of course you still have to reach.

It is to your advantage to unlearn the negative effects of earlier adversity. Of course you still have to manage future uncertainty.

It is your choice to be a student of life even if you held a hardship PHD degree. Of course no matter how much it educates you, for life, you remain a student of life. Don’t you agree?

By all means, become that improved version you aspire. It’s easy to learn the “how”s of what you desire. For a start, dump any unnecessary baggage, then, start your quest and inquire…

With Your Personal Coach

Dania

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – What’s Your Story?


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So what’s your story?
No, I’m not asking you to narrate how you lived since birth till now.
No, I’m not referring to those recent challenges you faced, or how.
Noooo, I’m not requesting you open the floodgates of thoughts you normally disallow….
Oh my! You’re talkative today; you know? 🙂

The story intriguing me, today, is about an area in your life that you always wanted to change, or improve, but never really started.

I’d like you to gather your thoughts around why you didn’t initiate the change till now. Notice the justifications you provide just to keep it all too guarded.

You think these are valid reasons that lead to the delay. Think again: are these truly reasons, or mere excuses? Both are what your mind introduces to hinder that start.

And the story commences each time you recount to yourself, & sometimes to others, what you want to do then directly justify why you cannot. As if your mind commits an act of treason to your heart with every reason offered to keep the “action taking” phase behind locked bars.

“The story you tell yourself for why you never start life changes, with time, magnifies. Break it into smaller steps & incremental changes will eventually actualize.” ~ 3Ds

You do need to transform that narration, though, before you embark. Let your heart speak what the change will bring you & how happiness will ultimately spa. On that instant beginning, allow it to have its call mark.

Let it say: “Enough delay!! i deserve a better life & I’ll find a way. No more reasons, excuses, hesitation, or dismay. I’ll do something differently day by day!!”

Absolutely stunning “change” starts with just a “move”; and that is just a thought away. Think it…. Again, with your heart….

Who’d have thought that the turtle would beat the rabbit in the long run, ha?

I have a brilliant idea: Let’s start messing with the circumstances & twitch things slowly today, ok?

Apres vous…

Your Personal Coach
Dania

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – What Do You Do When You Err?


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I wrote a status – more like a metaphor – on Facebook the other day that said: “Some people dig a hole too deep, realize they can’t move up, & then keep digging deeper trying to find a way out…” The post was understood in two ways despite my adding: “Mistakes become graver eventually …. if you know what I mean….”

Some understood the metaphor as digging within one’s psyche to understand, to heal, or to develop & grow. Once you start plowing the field, you’d want to go further & further. You become either addicted, or entrapped. Many commented on the value of being supported by others along the process. That’s an insightful perspective to look at the process of digging indeed.

Others did connect the digging with making mistakes – which is what I was referring to at the moment. Many cover up a mistake by doing another & protecting the new mistake with yet another. Just like lying once; then covering the lie with more lies.

What I want to highlight, today, is the after-maths of making mistakes. How quickly to you admit those mistakes? How soon do you learn from them? Consider, especially, the biggies – the ones with graver ecological ramifications. Do you persist in denying you’ve done wrong? Or do you change course, apologize to those afflicted, & start a new?

“When you err, there’s always a way to be proud: too proud to admit your mistake, or proud enough to admit having done one.” ~3Ds

You’re not expected to make none. You’re only human not an ostrich who can dig its head in the ground pretending to be safe. You know that’s an illusion…

So what kind of proud do you usually choose? Do you dig further down? That’s hardly the best idea. The antidotes of making a mistake are learning from it, words spoken to rectify, & new actions to proceed (like digging in a new direction). You can always dig diagonally back up, don’t you?

Don’t be too proud to recruit assistance either… Be selective where you dig deeper…

Need a rope? a ladder? or a shovel to arrive & thrive?

Considering the best case scenario always….

Your Personal Coach

Dania

Time for Your “Mind Gym” – Who’s Your Hero?


 

heroYou meet new people all the time, but move closer to some selected few. Some strike you as really outstanding – more like “heroes” who’ll save you in some way. Like magnet, they attract you with their most amazing qualities. Then, you find yourself seeking them in every possible way.

When that happens, it reflects something about you. You either want that person to bring out something in you, or you want to be like that other person. It’s not only about having them for company.

Think about your heroes for a moment. What do you appreciate most about each?

This is what you (probably) have missing. You may start modeling that person (with or without conscious attention). You may start wearing their mind. You may start walking in their shoes. They inspire your thoughts & influence actions.

“Your ‘inspiring hero’ gives you the idea of what you need to become. Your ‘ideal hero’ helps you become just that & that’s only YOU.” ~ 3Ds

It has been said that the best helping hand you’ll ever find is that at the end of your own arm; and that you can’t push anyone up the ladder unless they move their feet frequently upwards.

It, therefore, boils down to using your brain, senses, hands, & feet…. your whole body, if I may say…. to become another hero – even better – & inspire another…

No one WILL do it for you. No one CAN do it for you…

You’re a walking magic wand, precious…. You’re the best “Hero” there is….

Get moving “Hun”:) Wo-ho… Careful where you point that thing 🙂

Your #1 fan & Personal Coach

Dania

 

Time For Your “Mind Gym” – How Do You Use Your Shell?


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No, I am not basing the above question on the mere assumption that you have a shell to start with. You do have a shell you often hide in on your own, retreat to in tough times, or coil up in and prepare to reboot your system.

It is that private space that you seek; the personal bubble you protect. It is transparent to the ordinary eye, but becomes quite obvious with excessive use.

Your shell can be as hard and impermeable as that of a turtle. When threatened, the turtle totally withdraws inside. It is a natural defense mechanism to be safe rendering it, indeed, much protected.

You can create your shell in your mind’s eye and become more aware of it. Observe the patterns… When do you go in there most?

Do you notice that you’re in “hiding” most of the time? ALERT!! No movement; no progress. No progress; no life fulfillment.

Do you notice retreating occasionally to take a break? GOOD!! That’s normal. Careful the kind of thoughts you bring inside that shell with the rest of you though. Consider it solitude time in there (& that is quite different from hosting your worst demons every time). In there, you have no other company, so be a good one.

And “the reason why some people enjoy spending some time alone is because they’re never really lonely. They have their own most interesting company”. ~3Ds

After that time-out, you’ll go: “Phew, inspiring talk… Can we meet more often? I love you” 🙂

Your Personal Coach

Dania

Reflections of 2012 – Lessons Learned


DDD Progress is

I’m not claiming to be another Einstein, Oscar Wilde, or Zig Ziglar yet, but I am leading my own crusade in understanding life and human nature. My learning journey is that of continuous discoveries through observations and reflections.  I learn a lot through my own experiences, through observations around me, and from inspirational quotes of successful people.  Yes, I’m a big fan of powerful statements that say a lot with only few words. Over the past few years, I started coming up with my own.  What you will read next is a collection of my random thoughts (more like my own formulated quotes).  Most are made short to fit twitter’s 140 characters confinement. Some others are longer, so I’d throw them out there on facebook as a status. Oh, and I designed many into pictures to share on my facebook page (Coaching Your 3Ps; see example on the right). When I compile those of 2012 into one post now, I realize they make a good collection. Read on and please let me know which you like most…

–      “I have clients not patients. I have an office not a clinic. I describe, I do not label. I’m a counselor not a therapist.” ~ 3Ds a positive psychologist irritated by the use of negative language

–      “When I think of how much I still need to learn, to still do, and to look forward to, I could almost hyperventilate!” ~ 3Ds

–      “Of all shadows, that which hovers over your whole being is the scariest. Surf ahead…” ~ 3Ds

–      “The best love you’ll ever find is that which propels you into becoming a better version of your true self….” ~ 3Ds

–      “There is always confusion before clarity just as there is darkness before dawn” ~ 3Ds

–      “Of all the lies I hear, I find those reflecting one’s life being trouble-free as most appealing” ~ 3Ds

–      “When happiness seems to have gone on a long vacation, just remember, it always returns…. many times, fully charged.” ~3Ds

–      “What’s the point in calling “principles” “principles” if they’re OFTEN bended, then mended, or amended?” ~ 3Ds

–      “Perhaps one of life’s dictums is “Not having it all”… Most certainly its parallel is “Enjoy what you have before you lose it all”…~ 3Ds

–      “Ever wonder why good news are frequently off-set by bad news shortly after? Think again… it could simply be working the other way round…” ~ 3Ds

–      “Don’t you wish more people would shift from a culture of “stealing your time” to “valuing your time”? The imbalance is getting really irritating.. “ ~ 3Ds

–      “Tolerance becomes easy once all the nuisances are considered just background noise…” ~ 3Ds

–      “Isn’t it ironical how so many people waste their time gossiping about others’ problems instead of investing their time to solve their own?” ~ 3Ds

–      “There’s a fine line between self-confidence and conceit just like that existing between modesty and self-deprecation” ~ 3Ds

–      “To those who complain physical exercise is torture: Compare it with being forced to exercise your patience? Piece of cake, ha?” ~ 3Ds

–      “In the circle of life, it is always the strong helping the weak; the wise tolerating the immature; the healthy aiding the sick; the educated putting up with the ignorant; but what’s with  the insecure casting stones on those who rise above…?” ~3Ds

–      “Nothing beats distress like having a clear concrete plan for solutions. Now whether you carry it out or not is a different story.” ~ 3DS

–      Being “courageous” is daring to go for it despite your little chances.

Being a “fool” is daring to go for it despite having no chances at all.

Being a “courageous fool” is doing things left and right without even considering your chances; and arguing that the      statistics course you took back at the university is worthless…. ~ Meta-logic 101

–      “When you find out the true face behind the mask some people wear, just remain silent. Why feed malicious intent when you can use your energy to accept human imperfections?” ~ 3Ds

–      “Progress is: Cognition followed by Ignition. When you know what you need to do, MOVE!…” ~ 3Ds

–      “Unless you realize you’re part of the problem, you won’t be part of the solution. Some people stick to playing victim far too long”. ~ 3Ds

–      “We never lose the ability to love. We may just lose the ability to love the SAME person.” ~3Ds

–      “It’s not the words…; not the act..; not what happened … that matter …. It’s what it all means …” ~ 3Ds

–      “Sometimes you wish there’s this someone thinking of you somehow and in some way close to your secretly obsessive thoughts about that someone.” ~ 3Ds

–      “Laughter is most appreciated after pain. There’s healing power even in a sense of false gain. “ ~3Ds

–      “You know you have an issue in work-life balance if you have a passion for excellence” ~ 3Ds

–      عواصف العواطف…. حلو التعبير… مش دايما حلوة التجربة …

And here are some funny or sarcastic ones 🙂 :

–      “The only thing I’ll allow to bring me down is the elevator.” ~ 3Ds

–      When I said “The only thing I’ll allow to bring me down is the elevator”,  some people started appearing as elevators in disguise … ~ 3Ds

–      “That awkward feeling, when you realize it’ll take much less than a decade, when you’ll be called: Half a century old….” ~3Ds

–       “That terrifying moment when you dig for energy in your well of “I’m alright” pretense only to find it completely depleted ….” ~ 3Ds

–       “If dealing with stress, stressors, and stressed out people actually burned calories, I would have been a supermodel by now” ~ 3Ds

–      That awesome moment when you finish all your “to do list” and are seduced to just sit there… Well, I rarely, if ever, have it…. and I’m not complaining here…. ~ 3Ds

–      “A perfectionist is someone who never makes the same mistake twice. Just as many times as necessary to be sure it was in fact a mistake…. “ ~3Ds

–      “That straight eye contact moment, when it lasts 10 seconds or longer … reflecting either fatal attraction or ….contemplative murder!” ~3Ds

Lastly, “One of my wishes for the New Year is to see more professionals ACTING professionally…..” Perhaps reflecting on one’s own performance remains a habit un-adopted by many. No wonder why many so called professionals remain operating at mediocre levels and never progress…. And that is why I make the time to continuously assess and reflect. To me, life encompasses 3Ps: “Personal & Professional Progress”….

See you in 2013 🙂

Work-Life Balance (before you go off edge)


ImageOne of the first things I do with my clients at the beginning of a “Coaching” contract is to examine their wheel of life (see picture up there). I consider it an “eye opener” to start the process of progress. It gives a bird’s eye view of the levels of satisfaction (from 0 to 10; with 10 being most satisfied) on their: Career, finances, health, friends and family, romance, personal growth, fun and recreation, and their physical environment. These identify life areas that are not working well and needing change to live life more fully. Great deficits in fulfillment in any one area can spill over to the rest; hence, negatively affecting general well-being. We cannot neglect any one area. Just as a house cannot be built on one pillar, so is life satisfaction. It’s a whole; and cannot be reliant on only one source.

The concept of work-life balance is common and implicitly warns people not to get too consumed in having a career at the expense of nourishing the rest of their life support systems. It is a known fact that most of the working force spends their entire day on the job. They become so busy making a living that they forget to live their lives.  Even non-working house-wives assume the career of a “full time mom” or a “full time house-wife” that they sometimes drift in the mundane neglecting vital life ingredients until they feel a huge void. If you give it some thought, each of us has multiple roles (especially the sandwiched generation): the true self, career role, son/daughter, parent, spouse, friend, community volunteer, etc…. The true self, sometimes, suffers the most. Every so often, competing and conflicting roles and priorities can be very difficult to handle. We become defocused and find ourselves thrown off balance suffering health problems, depression, poor performance, stress, strain, or complete burn-out.

It’s not so simple to balance it all, but at least we can be more aware of maximizing the use of our time. Time being the most valuable, yet limited, asset we have which once used cannot be retrieved. Life can easily slip us by; and if we’re not alert to how we’re investing our time, by the end of our path, we may find ourselves filled with regrets. Just imagine you’re at your “death bed” contemplating your life. What would you be saying? Scary thought to many, huh? So, how can you best balance before everything hits the fan?

Here are some few guidelines to face the challenge:

  1. Fill in the wheel of life: Find out which life areas you’re very dissatisfied with and need your attention most. What can you improve? What are you willing to improve? (see? there’s a difference between “can” and “willing”). The first step to any change is awareness. It has been said that 50% of solving any problem lies in knowing what it is, so get clear on what’s not working for you. Then, start getting focused on taking serious gradual steps to implement changes. Things will never get resolved on their own.
  2. Set SMART Goals: Once you nail down the opportunities for improvement, set the baby steps to rectify. The acronym SMART for goals refers to Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timed. These ensure rectifying the dissatisfied areas and having a map for a clearer journey ahead. For instance, if you found that you are not so content on the area of family and friends perhaps for being over-worked on the job, specify that you need to “spend more quality time on the weekend with family or friends”. The way about it may be to arrange for gatherings, or more outings. Always get specific: “how”, “when”, “with whom”, “number of times”,…  and make sure it doesn’t conflict with others’ plans. Gather your SMART goals with the specifics on a sheet of paper and read it every morning.
  3. Manage your time: Make the best use of those 86,400 seconds each day. Managing how you spend your time can be the key to your productivity on all levels. Many claim they don’t have the time, for instance, to read (i.e. feed their personal growth), or generate more income (i.e. feed their finances). Well… that’s not very accurate. You can always make the time for important things. It’s just that you may not have taken a deep decision to actually commit to doing things of importance. Why would most people adopt a certain regimen as per their doctor’s advice when their life is threatened? Suddenly, you find them having extra time, right? Think hard of that wheel of life. What should you do to become happier? Incorporate it into your schedule. This is when the SMART goals’ sheet needs updating to specify “when” to get things done.
  4. Establish healthy rituals: It can be difficult sometimes to kick off new habits when you find out that these are needed to feed into better balance. Take exercise for example. To kick it off as a habit requires a lot of planning and self-discipline in the beginning. Most research suggests a period of at least 21 days to establish habits. This is when the neural pathways in the brain become strong enough to make the behavior automatic. The habit, then, becomes an addiction that you cannot easily do without. The constellation of healthy routines (e.g. sleeping patterns, eating right, social media use, responding to emails,..…) eventually provide structure and make a big difference in your life. Rituals and habits are automatic acts you don’t spend much mental effort on; thus, allow you to have more energy to spend on other worthy and effortful tasks. So, what healthy routines can you plan among your goals now?
  5. Use a journal: Be it for your personal, or professional life, having a journal to plan your days in line with your goals will provide the necessary structure, clarity, and commitment. It facilitates organizing your time and taking the necessary steps to balance your life. Journaling your “to do list” will enable you to become more realistic in what you can achieve in one day, throughout the week, or for the whole month. Avoid writing one “to do list”. The sight of it may be overwhelmingly scary that many end up procrastinating about it. A dated journal has the advantage of allocating your targets over a period of time while ensuring you take care of urgent matters first. Remember to remain flexible as you proceed throughout the days and shift what you couldn’t do on a specific day to a later time. Your journal will eventually reflect your productivity and help you keep things on track.
  6. Manage your stress: Keep an eye on your life stressors and take measures to reduce their effects. After all, too many stressors can throw you off edge all of a sudden. When faced with stressful situations, focus on changing either the situation, or your reaction. Changing the situation means you either alter it (e.g. change your job) or avoid it (e.g. take a different route while commuting to escape traffic). When changing the situation is not possible, you can only change the way you feel about it. You need to stop fretting about what’s bothering you and accept that it just is (e.g. a negative colleague working in the same office), or adapt to it (i.e. looking at the big picture of what truly matters). It’s important that you avoid bottling up any tension by using quick stress-busting techniques frequently; like: deep breathing, positive self-talk, music, seeking social support, etc…

These are only the basic steps when your aim is to have a more balanced life. To really work it out, you have to have a whole hearted intention to have a new mission. Writing things down and organizing your path is a pre-requisite to succeed in doing that. Research after research documents that those who thrive have clear well written goals. You can assess and revise these as you proceed. Finally, and to add new things into your routines, entails giving up some other things in place. Why don’t you start off by making a “don’t do list” to identify your life “time-wasters”? Then, continue to MAKE the time to do things of greater value to balance it all….

That “Falling in Love” Experience… & How to “Fall Out” of It!


If you had the luxury of falling in romantic love, you most certainly recall how it all first starts.

 Remember that instance of secretly free-floating kind of feeling?

 That oh so rare incredibly beaming, yet purring-like sort of feeling?

 That ‘once in a blue moon’ please don’t let me be dreaming kind of feeling?

 These are but a few dazzling signs of that first while. You can’t seem to help your face becoming decorated permanently with that smile. It’s as if you’re in trance stretching day and night. Those flickering butterflies in your stomach just won’t stop; and you keep wondering what’s with that soothing numbness you feel from bottom to top. You have this endless gaze in nowhere oblivious to whether the whole world is falling or not. You wish you could travel in time and space to cut short the seemingly endless hours of waiting; and the ridiculously long distances keeping you apart in craving. And when you meet with your loved one, that accidental touch makes your heart pound a hundred times faster. That look in their eyes sends that gentle electric buzz and you go: “where can I burry my eyes next” to avoid any blunder. You oscillate between awkward moments of silence followed by a barrage of held back emotions as if their floodgates swung wide open. And these effects continue and soar to more (I’ll let your thoughts freely reign). Then with time, all probably waxes and wanes ….

Those feelings, then, evolve into stages and start taking on many forms. They grow beautifully in absurd ways; yet, get shaken at times to your dismay. The seas can’t remain smooth forever; and you’re prone to face some storms (big, or small). All are part of the process of having that free-fall. There could be fights, major setbacks, and alarm signals warning you to watch out. Still, you cling to that bipolarity of feeling so strong yet so fragile; so happy yet so sad; having a “ruling of the world” feeling yet a sense of “complete lack of control”. No proper definition can capture what’s going on; and you find yourself unable to escape its tyranny. The only way out of it is through…. It’s like the inevitable bitter-sweet malady… the most pleasant melancholy ……, and then it’s the perfect remedy…. And hell yeah!! We all enjoy how the rich sweet ingredient of it feels; and curse the times of tragedy.

 And you’re lucky if it all lasts…. For some, the whole world slowly or suddenly witnesses a collapse. They recognize that their castles were built in void air; and all their dreams were set in flare. From that loved one they are to beware. For different reasons, they realize that there is no hope for continuing the affair. The future seems so bleak, and for more suffering they are to be prepared. Worst cases are when that loved one abandons, abuses, betrays, or turns out to be a complete lie. And they find themselves imprisoned; and believe if they let go, they’d possibly die. Mixed feelings dominate and fight inside. Like victims of circumstances they rage at being helpless. The good memories are still loaded up in their mind exacerbating their distress. Faced with the harsh reality, they still feel hopeless for a good relationship to thrive. It all becomes easier if they learn how to “fall out of love”. And you may often hear them saying: “I can’t possibly find another to love as much. My heart is too weak for a rebirth”. They miss on the idea that some six and a half billion people are roaming on planet earth. Their chances to find another are still very high….

If that beautiful epic fails, how can you help someone (maybe yourself) to let go and blast off forward on a new search? How can one regain that power of the mind over the heart? Let me tell you this: The mind has, in fact, that power already if we just use it right. I often use a technique that I adapted from Richard Bandler – the co-creator of NLP – to help my clients “fall out of love” (specifically the ones who’ve been hurt badly) when they choose to. It just requires recalling good and bad memories with the loved one. Emotionally charged memories are easily accessible, so that piece of it is very simple. Let’s assume you’re the one who wants to be totally free of your X-lover’s power. Just follow these steps in order to make the bad memories predominate and perhaps become repulsed from that hurtful X-mate.

 – Stacking good memories: Recall 4 or 5 nice memories one by one with your loved one. See yourself in each acting out the episode (i.e. watch it as if you were watching a movie). This is what we call a “dissociated” way. It’s like someone else is enjoying the good times (not you). Now run those episodes in black and white and one after another quickly. This drains life out of these memories further. When you’ve done that, run this continuous movie backwards with all its episodes till the day before you both met again. Then make the screen at the end of it go blank. Do this last step a couple of times running the movie backwards as fast as you can while shrinking it in size each time. This is how we lessen that memory’s emotional impact to the point of erasing it. The memory stays there, but its power over you disappears.

 – Stacking the bad memories: Now recall as many bad memories as you can (those that hurt you most) with your “X-mate”. This time, watch each of these in life size and through your own eyes as if you were the camera man this time. See what you saw then, hear what you heard, and feel again all those negative feelings. This is what we call an “associated” way of recall. Connect these memories together like a movie one after another. Run them again and again in your mind amplifying them in size, sound, and feeling. When you do this a couple of times, you’ll be fed up! The effects would be like that needed last straw that breaks the camel’s back to fall out of love.

 – Oscillate between the above two: Repeat the first two steps as needed and until you can’t bear associating with the bad ones any longer. The good memories will have no effect now that the bad feelings predominate.

 – Getting repulsed: Many would still fear reacting lovingly again to their “X”. After all, who’d want to remain a fool? There’s a way to go about that too. Just trigger disgust instead at the mere thought or sight as a replacing thought. Think of something that is really repugnant for your (I’ve heard examples of rotten poo with flies hovering around it, spread vomit, squashed rat, chopped liver, etc… – sorry about that); and make a picture of it. Make it really clear in every way possible till you’d want to puke. Now from the center of that picture, open the picture of your “X” smiling. Repeat this over and over till you associate that face with the repulsive thought. Do I need to tell you what happens next time you see or think of your “X”?

 – A brighter future: Imagine a brighter future now without your “X”. How would it be like? Imagine yourself laughing again, free, socializing, and being appreciated by many others. Step into that image and feel what it’s like. Totally different, right?

I truly wish no one ever has to go through this exercise and continue indulging in the “love treat”. Don’t let the fear of any future mishap hold you back. Not the first time; not again if those emotions attack. There’s so much to “falling in love” that you rise with it. You may not need to go out looking for it. It will find you somehow; just permit it. And if it disappoints you later, you can always count on time to heal. If not quickly enough, it’s up to you to speed up the process of recovery by using the power of your mind. We all know pain is inevitable. It’s the suffering that’s optional. So, keep indulging! There is always a way out. It’s through it; by that abide. Keep woo-hooing! It’s the most thrilling roller-coaster ride….

The A to Zs of “Being” at “Excellence” Levels


Ever wondered about the mindset of happy and successful people who achieve “excellence”? Well, I often have. And examining these people, I found that they make the best of their being; and adopt some simple, yet, powerful strategies to be “outstanding”. They are brain-washed with a certain set of beliefs, attitudes, and thoughts when it comes to dealing with themselves, others, and their life challenges. These, eventually reflect in their best achievements. It’s like they play their cards right. The following guidelines are adopted from prominent self-development figures; and are summarized in an A to Z format of principles to “being” at “Excellence” levels:

A: Accept what you cannot change. Act today without delay. Actions speak louder than words.

B: Brand yourself as having unique qualities. Believe in yourself.

C: Choose to always be proactive as opposed to reactive. Challenge yourself to continually progress.

D: Dream of great achievements. If you can Dream it, you can make it happen.

E: Enjoy doing even the simplest things. Be open to new Experiences.

F: Focus on what you have in times of distress. Family and Friends make beautiful riches.

G: Give more than you’re asked for; and more than you planned. You’ll Gain 10 fold from multiple other sources.

H: Help others when you’re needed. Hear them out. The impact on their lives is what you’ll be Honored and remembered for. Make your memory a good one.

I: Ignore those who try to discourage you. Invest your time wisely in people and activities that help you grow.  

J: Joke around often, without being a Jerk (i.e. with decency and limits). Be the one to spread Joy wherever you go.

K: Keep learning and keep trying no matter how difficult things may seem. This is your Key to success.

L: Leave positive footprints where ever you go. Lead others into excellence.

M: Make things happen (don’t wait for them to just happen). Make the impossible possible.

N: Never accuse yourself of having failed. Nourish your mind instead with thoughts like: this was “yet another learning lesson”.

O: Obsess with your own self-development. Optimize on your personal and professional progress.

P: Prior Perfect Practice Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

Q: Quit fighting an endless Quarrel when you know your energy can be channeled to more worthy Quests.

R: Read and Reflect on those Readings. Race to know more, Repeatedly.

S: Surround yourself with people and things you love. Stop energy Sappers from invading your life. Smile often; it makes a big difference.

T: Teach others what you learned or what you want to learn. Talk about your learning. Train yourself to apply it somehow.

U: Under-promise; yet, over-deliver (in business and in your personal life). Unwrap your dormant excellence on every occasion.

V: Visualize your excellence coming to life, and it will. Visionaries were often ridiculed in the beginning, so don’t let emotional Vampires stand in your Vision of excelling.

W: Work hard on Writing down your thoughts, Wishes, and goals. Words clarify when you think in ink. Walking your Written down talk becomes easy.

X: Xccelerate your effort to beat procrastination. There’s so much to being productive each day even in small increments. X-out clutter.

Y: Your life is the most important project you can ever work on. Year in, year out, enjoy the ride.

Z: Zeal is your primary ingredient to achieve more and strive for excellence. Zoom in your goal, be in the Zone, and go for it.

When you model the best, you take the short-cut to excellence. Will you decide to live at your best? If “yes”, how about you start today? Take the short cut. Print this out, read it daily, and brain-wash yourself similarly. Make it your new modus operandis for optimal living. Play your cards right.

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