Time For Your “Mind Gym” – Would You Rather Suffer, Or Just Be Pained?

My earlier writings were about enhancing well-being, about facing challenges, about thriving not just surviving. Today, I feel I am addressing mere basics of surviving the insecurities surrounding living in Beirut (the new hub of random theft of lives).

Two consecutive car explosions in less than a week’s time took place ending so many precious lives at a time when we were to celebrate the beginning of a new year. Some of my closest friends lost their child (Mohammad Al Shaar) leaving them devastated, pained, & badly shaken…

Any one of us could have suffered the same fate…. The life of any other one we love could have been stolen just the same. Most of us, back here, feel the danger. Most of us feel the potential loss. Our survival with those we love is threatened at every second of the day….

As I empathize with the family of those deceased at both times, and as I recall my own earlier losses, one major blessing comes to mind. We are lucky that the intensity of all negative emotions (e.g. sadness, pain, anger,….), with time, wanes. Feelings don’t stay the same…

It’s been said that “time heals”. What it actually heals is the adverse emotions we feel. Think back of a time you went through a lot of distress. It could be months back or years. Unless you still suffer a major trauma, normally, you’ll notice that it doesn’t hurt as much & perhaps those negative emotions have disappeared.

What comes to mind now, also, are the stages that the terminally ill go through when facing imminent death. These are summarized by the acronym “DABDA”: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, & Acceptance. It is this last stage that brings again peace. What we resist persists; what we embrace gradually dissolves.

So how is this relevant to those insecure feelings that hover all over our lives during current times? It’s true we’re threatened. It’s true we could be terrified, angry, sad, pained, or depressed, but we’ll only bend; never break…. Our feelings will eventually change when we distract… So,

“Change the equation:

Pain + accepting = pain;

Pain + resisting = Suffering.

Pain is inevitable; Suffering is optional.” ~ 3Ds

No matter what happens. No matter what we lose. No matter what we face. We can finally choose to resume somewhat normal living despite the pain by remaining engaged. The alternative is to torment ourselves by staying locked in the vicious cycle of negative feelings & resist the idea that things happened.

I’ve seen so many people use their distress to ignite their thriving despite all insecurities. I’ve, also, seen pained people endlessly suffering.

What will be your choice in whatever you face?

Which equation with whatever feeling you have will you choose?

Your Personal Coach

  Dania

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Time For Your Mind Gym – How Do You Deal With Bad News?

Those bad news we receive…. eh, part of daily living…. Giving you one big blow or small in effect, but coming in bundles from everywhere. And you’re tempted to say: “Dear bad news, would you please slow down? I’m in the middle of something here….” Bad news can get you down, make you disoriented, or even stop you from normal living….

But if you stop in the middle of the road, you’re likely to be run over. It’s better if you planned the “pause” aside to assimilate, to digest, & to deal with those bad news. On the side…. not in the middle of the road…..

It certainly helps to have chunks of time to yourself to think things over, to experience your negative emotions, & to plan ahead what you will do (in light of the bad news). Meanwhile, one way to cope is to resume your normal living. Other people you’re committed to don’t have to pay the price with you & the whole worls doesn’t have to know – just a selected few.

In doing that, it’s a good idea to adopt the motto of “In the middle of my many obligations, I can’t depress about sad things any time. I’ll assign the right time for that at my earliest convenience.” ~ 3Ds

Then test yourself, challenge yourself, & stretch yourself to do what you think is impossible under your current state, or circumstance. There’s always time to sit on your own & resolve that “unfinished business”. MAKE the time for it if you need.

Only then, will you realize your true strength. Only then, will you realize your true potentials. Only then, will you be even more proud.

There’s a “mask” I call “alright pretense”. This is the time to wear it until you’re in solitude….

So go on …. smile to the world… In your privacy aside, you can face those bad news with no mask; & even give them a spank!!

Sob, or weep. Turn the page, & start over another day (with a smile)…. Then allow for those chunks of time as much as you need… On the side that is…

Need a tissue before I leave?

Your Personal Coach

Dania