Home > Coaching, Personal progress, professional progress > Will Someone Listen to Me?

Will Someone Listen to Me?


A pre-requisite of my certification as a life and career coach was to have a coach myself for some time. There was a lot of value in that although initially I openly resisted the idea. I thought: “why would I need a coach when I already am so motivated, know exactly what I want, am setting big goals, and I am working at full speed to develop myself?”  I have to be frank and admit that I WAS WRONG! Not only did that experience add to my learning and practice, it was indeed an eye-opener for many areas in my life. I thought I knew it all: I had clear self knowledge, I was doing what seemed to be the impossible to many, and I had a wide social support system. But, again, all these were not enough. I was too engrossed in my own life and failed to detect other possibilities and multiple other perspectives. My coach, then, did a wonderful job; alas, our contract came to an end.

 Now-a-days, and during my gradual effort to gather other local practicing coaches to establish the Lebanese Coach Association, I had this amazing opportunity to meet and chat with other like-minded colleagues. One recurrent theme emerged from our dialogues. Even well-established successful and skilled coaches do in fact hire a personal coach. They make use of such a service to keep them focused and help them stretch their horizon further. It’s a luxury service only few choose to indulge in, or can afford. All those who walk the path of success, from celebrities to politicians, make use of the coaching service. Furthermore, how do you think they make it through the maintenance stage or shine even further?

  The discussions with my colleagues made me go back in time to the days I was being coached. I do need someone to fully pay attention to what I am saying, widen my scope of perception, and make me feel that what I am doing matters. We all need to be listened to. I am doing most of the listening in both of my careers as a psychotherapist and a coach, but who’s there to lend an ear to my own concerns? OK, I have a lot of friends and my hubby does a lot of that. I always exchange thoughts and ideas with precious people in my life. But usually these conversations tend to be subjectively colored and the discourse drifts away from being listened to and back to my role as a listener. And at times, even those closest to me are simply too preoccupied, distracted, or uninterested in hearing me out. I need a third, somewhat, objective perspective; someone skilled in active listening to my true needs; someone I can trust will commit to being fully there for me (all the time).

 I wonder what am I waiting for? That’s it! I am re-hiring a good coach!

  1. icachris
    November 26, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    Dania,

    By sharing your own experience, I think you do a great job at explaining the value of having a coach. I am a pretty independent person and for me having a coach provides a sounding board for the many ideas that come into my head. It helps me filter them so that what is most valuable for me stays and the rest disperse.

    It also enables me to hear different questions to the ones I might ask and to be frank, it’s much more enjoyable for me to be sharing with another real live person who is interested in me, than having deep and meaningful conversations for too long by myself!! I’d rather make my dance class! I know that I have made wise decisions as a result of the coaching I have recieved, that have propelled me forward faster and more effectively than would be possible alone.

    I share with you the value of a coach, whether you are one or not. It also shows our clients that we really value coaching ourselves.

    Chris, Empowered Connections
    http://www.icachris.wordpress.com

    Like

    • dddania
      November 26, 2009 at 5:31 pm

      Thanks for dropping by Chris 🙂

      You are absolutely right! There’s much to gain & nothing to lose during the coaching process. We do need to stop resisting the idea. It’s not a sign of weakness as many would assume; on the contrary 🙂

      Let’s us indulge in the luxury 🙂

      Like

  2. icachris
    November 27, 2009 at 11:58 pm

    I wonder where this idea that coaching is a sign of weakness comes from. Is it bracketed together with counselling and considered some sort of rescue remedy by some? To not value another person’s interest and support, may reflect a cultural bias, on our part, towards individualism. Many of us strive to be independent. There is so much gifting and ability in people and it’s shared out across the globe. So, in my view, we had the privilege to distribute the benefits of gifting and connection both by giving and receiving. It takes courage and strength to allow another person to challenge us and ask us powerful questions, so coaching is not for the faint-hearted. I believe it is for those who want to excel and live life to the full.

    Indeed, let’s indulge in the luxury and make it a necessity! 🙂

    Like

    • dddania
      November 28, 2009 at 6:35 am

      Right again Chris 🙂 It is indeed a belief that needs to be changed. I wished more people would read your reply. In my country, the courage you refer to might mean opening up to a “stranger” – an idea that isn’t culturally appreciated 😦
      But things are changing. Some are, indeed, aware of the value that brings. Until the norm spreads, however, people will keep resisting 🙂

      Like

  3. Rain
    December 19, 2009 at 1:04 pm

    I always hated the idea of going to visit a shrink, but I see that your job is so different.
    I wonder if we all need coaches, I think we do, mostly during those unstable phases of our life, I remember how happy we were when our school brought a social assistant to talk too if we were having a hard time, as you said, we all need to be listened too, and most of the times we need an objective advice.
    I always thought it is quite unfair that not everyone were able to afford having shrinks and coaches…

    Like

    • dddania
      December 19, 2009 at 9:07 pm

      would be more that happy to lend you my listening ears my dear Reine. Alternatively, you can agree with your best friend to ‘coach” you on things you want to talk about. Just tell her/him frankly that you need 1 hour of being the center of attention in the conversation; then switch turns. See how it goes. It could help I am sure, but you need her/him to totally abide by the agreement. Let me know what happens 🙂

      Like

  4. Rain
    December 21, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    That is a good idea i never thought of 😛
    i used to play some sort of game, we write our feelings down on a paper, each day we get to talk about 5 papers for each person so if we put i am down because of school, we discuss it… i used to do that with my little cousins so i can be a fair listener and not listen to someone more than someone else

    Like

    • dddania
      December 21, 2009 at 6:06 pm

      Glad you like it Reine 🙂 you’ll love the experience & you’ll be training others to learn to really listen (ver few actually do ) 😦

      Like

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: