Home > Coaching, Coping, Growth, Life in general, Personal progress, Power of Action, stress, Therapy > Choosing to Moving Forward (3) – Accepting Versus Resisting

Choosing to Moving Forward (3) – Accepting Versus Resisting


Is in it so uplifting when you set your mind to moving forward on specific personal areas and actually succeed? You pick up the habit of exercising; you find your soul mate; or move into that more spacious apartment you’ve always dreamed of. What a joy it is to effect some positive change! Sometimes, however, change or the move forward may apparently seem impossible or impractical. You try different ways to make things change, but nothing seems to work. You find yourself in a difficult life situation and become even more frustrated by locked doors as you seek your way out. It must be real hard on you to persist despite unsuccessful attempts. Do you keep trying, or do you surrender disappointed into a depressed state?

Neither of these two options is a healthy coping mechanism. Both entail resistance though both vary in the “how”. Even depression is anger turned inward. You might still be resisting the idea and shaming yourself for your inability to deal with a pressing need. When things seem so bleak, accepting the difficult to change becomes the wiser mental attitude. It has been said: “What can’t be cured must be endured.” Resistance entails spending a lot of energy at what you’d like changed (even if you just whined, or became depressed about it). That energy is better off being channeled in other directions leading you forward. So, in the end, we still have a choice in responding.

 For instance, you have major disagreements around specific ideologies with your parents, siblings or spouse. You might be tempted to change their attitudes. You argue, you shout, you give them the silent treatment, or you try to force your own stance. All these attempts may deplete your energy reservoir until you feel drained. Accept their attitudes as just being different; then let go. You can still share fundamental other beliefs that bind you together.

 In a similar vein, you might have conflicting characters with close others you deal with; do you try to change theirs at no avail? Do you keep trying? Maybe it’s just wiser if you worked on changing yourself, or the way you look at things. I am not saying that you mimic others to fit in; just spend that energy educating yourself with what you need to know to handle these differences better. Again, accepting others for who they are, as opposed to resisting the differences, can save you a great toll. The more you refuse to give in, the more you get frustrated, so choose your battles by examining the costs they entail. Move in a different direction.

 I can relate the idea to instances of fighting too hard when you experience injustice in some life situations. You get bluffed (ridiculous, but could happen at any point in ones’ life 🙂 ); do you attempt revenge? Do you take others to court? STOP! Would you consider forgiving? Yeah! Go for it! Save yourself the inner turmoil and the external hassle. So much has been said about forgiveness. Learn your lesson and re-direct your energy to areas that can make you feel good. Don’t stay stuck in trying to save face at that mishap. Get your chin high somewhere else. ‘Whatever you focus on expands” so it’s been said. Why not focus on moving forward in other directions. It just might be the better way out!

  1. October 21, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    Great article! So often we get stuck when we resist! There is the saying: what we feel, we can heal. What we resist feeling, will persist. We let stuff/situation persist in our lives, preventing us from moving forward. Life is so much easier when we accept. The power of now says it wonderfully, not accepting what happened, is happening, is like not accepting what is. We are trying to say we are right and the reality is wrong. Very funny indeed.

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    • dddania
      October 22, 2009 at 5:39 am

      Yeah, it is ironical indeed and sometimes we just don’t notice what we are doing 😉 it does need training to be fully present & aware of the “now”.
      Thanks for providing your input. It’s a beautiful addition 🙂

      Like

  2. Hicham
    October 21, 2009 at 11:31 pm

    brillant Dania, sometimes we just don´t realise the energy we can save by changing direction. big hug, hicham

    Like

    • dddania
      October 22, 2009 at 5:32 am

      My dearest cousin,
      You took me by surprise!! Thanks for dropping by & taking some time to read my ramblings 🙂
      Habeeeebi… wallah, I miss you so much 😉

      Like

  3. Nihad Fawzi
    October 22, 2009 at 4:45 am

    “Maybe it’s just wiser if you worked on changing yourself”
    Yes you are totally right, I wish I learned this lesson years ago, I always had conflicts with my mother, I always judged her and asked: Why she never stops criticising me? Why she never stops interferring and intruding my life? She never gave up and I kept becoming furious against her but I think all I needed to do is to let go her criticism and do not pay attention to her interference, all I needed to do is to let go. She would never be able to force me to do anything I don’t want. All I needed to do is to listen to her quitely and later do what I want to do. It’s ridiculous to spend years waiting for her to change thinking that I am right and she is wrong while just keeping silent and listen to her could save me a lot of time and energy during long years. After all these years I am acting this way, just listening and at the end I say very calmly “Mum please let me deal with the situation it’s mine”. After acting this way I feel so satisfied and proud of myself, I feel more mature and grown up, I don’t get furious or acuse her of intruding my life. My father always told me to do it this way “just listen than do whatever you want, nobody can force you to do anything” but may be it’s resistance. Yes resistance is my biggest problem:)

    Like

    • dddania
      October 22, 2009 at 5:30 am

      Thanks for supporting my arguement through your own personal experience Nihad. I am more than glad things are working better for you. So, now you know when to give up trying, accept things as they are, & still move forward 🙂
      I look forward to reading your thoughts on your own Blog sugar 😉

      Like

  4. Looking
    November 30, 2009 at 11:32 am

    I would like to ask on question on Nihad’s comment.

    What if you are dependent on your mother and there were consequences if you just listened and did what you want. What if she asks you to move out or not give you money or every time says cruel words like you are selfish and do what you only want or keep nagging you about it.

    What do you do then.

    Like

    • dddania
      November 30, 2009 at 5:09 pm

      it must be real hard to feel coerced into complying with what ones’ parents want just because we are dependent on them. At a young age (teen years), we are rebelious. We want to lead our own life & have a tendency to feel that no one understands us; we sometimes detach from our parents. It frustrates our parents to feel they can’t be fully in control, so they resort to the sort of power you mention (kicking out of the house, not giving money). It helps alot of teens try to see things from a parental perspective. Maybe our parents do have a point. I can understand further detachment if parents use the language you referred to in your comment. The gap widens & needs to be narrowed down. Indeed, it becomes really frustrating to handle the parental role of acting “the wise way” 😦 It takes a toll on us as children (if we are young).

      AS we grow older, the battle takes on a different twist. We’re adults, but are still treated as children by our parents. This is when accepting needs to be a major technique to use. This is when our battles have to be selected even more wisely. What to do about that energy & redirection I mentioned in my post? If it is the house our parents are threatening to kick us out from, it just might be a good idea to set goals to become INDEPENDANT, no? Accept parents with all their faults & strive on becoming our own masters (if that is possible). If it is too far fetched, again, maybe examining their perspective really well can help us accept or see things from a different light. Why do we resist it so much when we are told the alternative for a certain behavior. There might be some truth about it 🙂

      I hope I was successful in bringing light to the whole dilemma. Sometimes we talk of generalities, but each situation is different & needs to be handled according to some specifics (i.e. age, culture, upbringing, etc….) 🙂

      Like

  5. Looking
    December 1, 2009 at 11:07 am

    Thanks for your comment. This is something I often struggle with. I will try to look at it from a different perspective.

    Like

    • dddania
      December 1, 2009 at 5:17 pm

      Any time sugar 🙂

      Like

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